


I'm Afraid I Don't Do Spitting!

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Language, Humor, M/M, Parody, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-18
Updated: 2007-01-18
Packaged: 2018-10-01 05:05:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Draco is horrified to see Harry trying to open a bottle of expensive wine; how will Harry convince him to enjoy it?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

**Disclaimer – I don't own a thing. Though if I did, you can be damn sure Alan Rickman would have a better part in the movies…**

**Oh yeah, this assumes an established relationship, and is PWP. Enjoy, and please review. Chin chin!**

**And…it makes no sense. There is no plot, it is just smut. Seriously – no plot, just smut. Hey ho! But pretty in-character smut, in my opinion lol!!! Hope you like it**

**_"The world's most expensive bottle of wine that could actually be drunk today is also the most expensive wine ever sold in America, a Montrachet 1978 from Domaine de la Romanée-Conti that was hammered down at Sotheby's (nyse: BID - news - people ) in New York in 2001. The lot of seven bottles fetched $167,500, or $23,929 per bottle. This is an extraordinary price for a white wine, even in the rarified world of wine collecting." (source http://www.forbes.com/2003/11/19/cx_np_1119feat.html)_ **

 

 

"Harry, is that a bottle of Montrachet 1978 from Domaine de la Romanée-Conti in you plebeian hand?"

"Yes, I believe it is. And don't call me, or my hands, plebeian."

Draco sighed, and sank into on of the chairs in the kitchen, resting his head on the table. He'd spent the entire day chasing after some punk that kept jumping out at little old ladies. This would have been mildly amusing, if said punk hadn't been a) a wizard, b) an animagus and c) in the form of a half-man half-bear. So, to come home to Harry cooking, and clutching a bottle of wine that had cost Draco's family almost three thousand galleons, per bottle, was not something he needed right now.

"Babe, can't we just get a take out and a beer?"

"No, I've spent all day cooking!"

Draco rolled his eyes, and glared up at the ceiling. He loved Harry dearly, but the brunette's tendency to put his all into everything got on his nerves at times like these. While it was a wonderful characteristic in bed, in the rest of the world it just irritated Draco, whose primary instinct was to give up if he failed at something, and wait for someone inferior to do it for him. Though, as Harry had point blank refused to have a House Elf when they'd moved in together six months ago, he was being slowly jolted out of this habit…

"Draco, you aren't even listening to me!"

"Sorry! But I'm tired!"

Harry scowled, and turned back to the stove, and Draco cursed himself. They'd always had a passionate relationship, but moving in together had only exacerbated the situation. If he was honest, Draco hated having to share all of his life with another person, he had been used to his life with Harry as sex and going out and sex and more sex, and then when they were tired lazy sex…living together and bills and the like was a new and not entirely pleasant experience for Draco.

He slunk over to Harry and wrapped his arms around the brunette's waist, feeling him stiffen slightly. Draco decided to go for honesty over ease, and placed a gentle kiss on Harry's neck.

"I'm sorry baby. I know I've had six months, but it's still…I guess I'm just not used to thinking about the two of us all the time. I don't mean to under-appreciate you, it's just been a long day."

"I know, but Draco, you come in and act like you wish I wasn't here!"

"I don't wish that. I wish it didn't take me and my emotional retardedness so long to get used to everything, but it does, and I'm sorry. I love you. Remember how long it took me to admit that, never mind say it out loud, and now I'll gladly sing it for the entire world to hear!"

Draco let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding as Harry melted back against him.

"I know. I'm just being petty, ignore me. I love you too, so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so six months is just a drop in the ocean."

"As you will be if you open that wine."

"What's the point of having wine if you don't drink it?"

"It's an investment. It'll make tenfold what Lucius paid for it when we sell it when we're fifty, and we'll use the money to go travelling round the world."

"You'll still be here when you're fifty?"

"Yep. You pushed, and irritated, and poked me into a relationship, so now you're stuck with me, and if you complain I'm sure a Weasley will be on hand to say 'I told you so'!"

"The Weasley's love you!"

"Who doesn't?"

"Modest, aren't you? Sit down, I'll get a bottle of white from the fridge and we eat in five."

Draco sighed, and eyed the bottle carefully.

"I just…I suppose one wouldn't hurt…I wanted them to be something special."

Harry listened to his boyfriend's words, and nodded softly. He knew how difficult it was for Draco to adapt to the two of them living together; the blonde had cut himself off to survive his childhood, and he was still struggling with reconnecting. Harry reached around and stroked Draco's hair softly.

"Do you trust my definition of special?"

"What?"

"Me. Do you trust me to know what counts as a special occasion?"

"Yes but I…"

"No buts, Draco. I want to drink this wine, and I've decided this is a special occasion. Come on, let's go upstairs."

"But what about dinner?"

Harry grinned, and threw a quick charm at the dinner, preserving it until he came back to it. Grabbing the bottle and a corkscrew, he wriggled out of Draco's arms and walked assuredly up the stairs, knowing that Draco would follow him. Sure enough, he heard the blonde climbing up after him, and smiled softly. When he reached their bedroom he set the bottle and corkscrew on the bedside table and began undressing Draco slowly. 

Draco let Harry undress him, and tried not to focus on the obscenely expensive bottle of wine that he was almost certain Harry was going to wreck. He was worrying his lip as his mind split between making Harry happy and preserving three thousand galleons worth of investment, and he barely noticed Harry was moving him until his arms were being cuffed to the headboard.

"What the…?"

"Shouldn't daydream, should you?"

Once Harry had bound Draco's ankles, he stripped his own clothes away and climbed on top of his boyfriend, kissing him deeply as he rubbed their bodies together, building up both of their arousals slowly and surely until he was groaning into Draco's mouth as he traced each contour with his tongue. Sitting up, Harry took the bottle and corkscrew, and grinned at Draco, grinding his hips gently against Draco's burgeoning erection.

"Seeing as this wine is so special, how should I appreciate it best?"

"You…uh…you open it and pour some into a glass…swirl it...uh…take a mouthful…swill it around and…uh…spit…"

"Oh Draco, I'm afraid I don't do spitting, you know that! I'll show you how to truly appreciate wine!"

Draco felt a substantial twinge of pain as Harry pulled off the foil and pushed the corkscrew in. He watched as the cork eased out a little, and then popped out. Immediately, Harry tipped the bottle up to his lips and took a long draught, belching loudly and grinning down at Draco. Draco was certain that his inner pain was visible on his face, but Harry didn't seem to be reacting to it. Instead, the brunette ground his hips harder and took another swig.

"You know, this really isn't all that great. Maybe it tastes better in a glass? Or maybe…"

"HARRY!"

Draco wasn't ashamed of yelping as the most expensive white wine in the world splashed onto his chest, and Harry smirked down at him before ducking his head and lapping up the liquid as it trickled down Draco's abs. He tipped the bottle again, allowing white wine to pool in Draco's navel before sucking it up and straightening up again.

"Gods that's good. Worth every knut, Draco, it taste's like heaven. You want to try some?"

"Y~yeah."

Harry took another swig, and leaned down to kiss Draco, passing the wine into his mouth and pulling back, allowing Draco to swallow and purr softly.

"Isn't it good?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want any more, or can I play with the rest?"

"P~play."

Sparing a small smile for his lover, Harry shuffled down the bed and eyed Draco's erection greedily. He tipped the bottle again, and began lapping at the fluid as it pooled around Draco's cock, wetting the small thatch of pale blonde hair and trickling over Draco's smooth sac. He murmured a charm to levitate the bottle, keeping a steady flow of cold liquid hitting Draco's groin as Harry began sucking at his cock greedily, tasting Draco's unique flavour mingled with the strong alcohol, making the whole experience heady and decadent and very special. He heard Draco whimpering, and moved the bottle up to his boyfriend's lips, allowing Draco to drink while Harry continued sucking him languidly.

Harry's wandless magic was good, but it wasn't that good, and as he was so engrossed in sucking Draco off, most of the alcohol splashed around Draco's mouth, dribbling in only when it had hit his lips, just wide of the mark. Draco had to admit; screw the wine being expensive, this was the only way to enjoy it. He whined slightly as Harry moved the bottle back down his body and pulled off his cock, drenching Draco in the wine before setting the bottle on the bedside table and sinking back onto Draco's erection, slurping and moaning and driving Draco closer to the edge until…

_"SweetfuckingMerlinonhighHarry!"_

Harry congratulated himself silently on a job well done, and moved back up Draco's body to kiss the blonde gently. Untying him, Harry rolled onto his side; pulling Draco with him so they wouldn't squish each other. When Draco finally pulled back, the flush of orgasm faint on his cheeks, Harry grinned and purred at him softly.

"Still wish I'd left the wine well alone?"

"No. I stand corrected."

"Good. You know, there's still half a bottle left, we can finish it with dinner."

Harry completely missed the predatory gleam in Draco's eyes until he'd been rather aristocratically pounced on, and Draco was sucking on his collarbone as he writhed on top of Harry's startled body.

"Draco aren't…"

"I'm going to finish the wine."

"Ha, stealing my ideas ag~…what the hell?!"

Harry fell quiet as he was magically bound to the bed, his knees hunched under him so that his arse poked into the air, and his arms pillowed under his head to support him. He had enough freedom to move his arms around and flex his back, but that was it, and he saw the wine floating from the bedside table to what he presumed to be Draco's waiting hands. However, he didn't stay quiet long, and shrieked loudly when the cool liquid splashed onto him, some running down his back but most dribbling down his crack to be met by his boyfriend's talented tongue. The last coherent thing Harry's mind recognised was Draco's bedroom voice purring in his ear…

"Worth every knut indeed!"


End file.
